Author : MAMAN MAAMA Category : KDP NOVELS
Diyam ta jawo kaina kafadarta ta
rungume ni tana rarrashina duk da dai itama a cikin tata muryar ina jin sautin kuka. Sai na tuno da
lokutan da mukan rungume kan mu muyi kuka akan senior ta zage mu ko some other silly excuse,
lokacin bamu taba tsammanin rana zata zo da zamu rungume junan mu muyi kuka na gaskiya ba, kuka
mai ma'ana ba.
Ta dago kaina daga jikin ta tana share min hawayena tare da cewa "bani labari Jidda, ki bani labarin duk
abinda ya faru tun daga ranar da kika fahimci halin sa zuwa yanzu, ki bani labarin duk cases din da kuka
samu, I want to know everything" na karasa share hawayen da hannun rigar ta da take jikina, rigar da
breast curve din ta da hips din duk sunyi min yawa saboda yadda take a cike ni kuma nake a bushe.
Nace "zan baki labari, amma bazan fara miki daga inda na fara fahimtar halinsa ba,zan fara miki ne daga
inda na fara haduwa da shi, a hakan zaki fi fahimta ta bazaki judging dina ba.
Sai na bata labarin tun daga haduwa ta da Umar, irin son da nayi masa da kuma wanda nake tunanin
shima yana yi min, duk da dai a yanzu bani da tabbas din ko duk shima fake din ne, na bata labarin case
din yaya Jamila da abinda Abba yace da kuma shi Umar abinda yace, sai kuma abinda ta gaya min two
days to daurin aurena da yadda na rufe magana ban gaya wa kowa ba. Sai kuma na bata labarin yadda
rayuwar auren mu ta kasance da cases din da mukayi ta sami tun daga kan case din Zuwaira har zuwa
case din Asabe, yadda yake tashin hankalin sa yayi ta rantsuwa tare da alkawarin ya daina, da kuma irin
soyayya da kuma kulawar da ya ringa bani tun daga farkon auren mu har zuwa yanzu.
Sai kuma ba bata labarin gidan su, yanayin tasowar sa da kuma abinda ya faru tsakani na da mahaifiyarsa
lokacin da na sanar mata da halin da muke ciki, na kuma bata labarin namu gidan, yadda nake tunanin
case din Mammy zai karasa ruguza dan guntun zumuncin da yake tsakanin yan'uwa na, da kuma yadda
mukayi da Abba da Umma jiya da naje gida.
Na karasa maganar da cewa "wannan shine labari na" sai ta mike tsaye, ta danyi tafiya kadan sannan ta
dauko tissue ta dawo ta ciro ta bani sannan ta cira itama ta goge nata idon, sannan tayi gyaran murya
tace.
"Tabbas Jidda kina cikin wani hali, kuma sai yanzu na fahimci dalilin da yasa kika fadi duk abubuwan da
kika fada daga farko na cewa kin gama auren Umar da sauran su. Farko ni na dauka exaggeration ne irin
namu na mata. Amma yanzu na fahimta, duk da cewa ba kowa ne zai fahimta din ba, kuma na yarda,
you have every right to say kin gama auren Umar"
"Ba zan ce wai na san dukkan halin da kike ciki ba Jidda, amma zance na fahimta, kuma na yarda. Saboda
a shekarun baya na taba auren miji mai irin halin Umar, ko kuma ince wanda halinsa yafi na Umar muni
dan shi bayan neman matan ma har da shaye shaye da duka, da wulakanci, sannan kuma da rashin
soyayya. Amma kuma a lokacin ban damu ba, saboda na farko akwai yarinta a tare da ni a lokacin da
rashin sanin ciwon kai, sannan uwa uba rashin soyayya. Bana son sa, dan haka ni a tawa karamar
kwakwalwar a lokacin sai nake ganin zai iya zuwa yayi duk abinda yaga dama babu ruwana. Amma nasan
da ace a yanzu ne da nasan ciwon kaina kuma na kara hankali da ba zan dauki halin nasa ba, duk kuwa
da rashin son da make masa"
Sai ta kuma mikewa ta je gaban wani hoto ta tsaya, na daga kai ina kallon hoton, hoton ta ne ita da wani
dana tabbatar shine mijinta na yanzu, shine sadaukin ta.
Ta dafa fuskarsa da hannunta sannan tace "amma idan da ace yanzu ne. Idan da ace Sadauki ne. Ace
Sadauki ne yake da irin halayyar Umar, na tabbatar da cewa yana neman mata, ya kuma tabbatar min da
cewa yana yi din. Da ace shine......."
Sai tayi shiru yanayin fuskarta gabakidaya ya chanja, ta juyo tana kallona da budaddun idanuwa. "Ba ma
zan iya ba, ba zan ma iya saka kaina a shoes din ki ba ballantana har in fahimci irin yadda kike ji Jidda.
Lallai ke din jaruma ce ko da kuwaa cikin jarumai. Lallai ba kowacce mace ce zata dauki abinda kika
dauka ba Jidda. Ni na tabbatar ba zan iya dauka ba Jidda. Ba zan iya ba. Allah kar ka dora min Allah"
Ta karashe maganar tana kokarin rike kukan ta yake ta kokarin balle mata. Nayi shiru ina tunani,
maganar ta tana yawo a kaina sai kuma na dago kai na sake kallon ta sannan na tambaya "idan ke ce,
idan Sadauki ne, ya zaki yi?"
Ta sake juyawa ta kalli hoton wanda a yanzu na tabbatar shine Sadaukin, sai kuma ta dawo ta zauna a
kusa dani tana cigaba da kallon nasa, sannan tace "idan da ni ce, idan ace Sadauki ne, ina jin I may end
up doing exactly what you have been doing. Zan yi ta gayawa kaina cewa zai daina, inyi ta karbar excuses
dinsa ina bashi chances. Zanyi ta expecting positive change from him musamman saboda son da nake yi
masa, da kuma shi son da yake yi min, da kuma yayan da suke tsakanin mu, da kuma kyautatawar sa
gare ni, da kuma..........sauran uncountable characters dinsa"
Ta juyo tana kallo na sannan tace "har sai a karshe, sai na kai karshe kamar yadda kika kai sannan zan
fahimci gaskiya, gaskiyar kuma itace ba zai daina ba, ba zai daina ba Jidda, not if things continue going
on like this" na sunkuyar da kaina kasa, yes tun jiya na riga nayi wannan realization din cewa ba zai daina
din ba, but da ta fada sai naji maganar tayi min ciwo, but it is the truth, the hard bitter truth that I must
face in ina son in cigaba da striving a duniya.
Na gyada kaina ina so in kara tabbatar wa da zuciyata da naji tana rawa akan maganar da ta fada, a
hankali nace "haka ne, bazai daina ba. Umar ba zai daina ba" na fada more to myself than to her.
Sai ta dago fuskata tana kallona tace "amma kin san dalili? Kin san dalilin da yasa ba zai daina ba?" Nayi
shiru na kasa ce mata komai sai tace "saboda baya so ya daina"
Na gyada mata kai cikin amincewa da maganar ta, tabbas Umar baya son ya daina abinda yake yi dan
babu wani move, move na gaskit da yayi so far na ganin cewa ya daina din. Except move na yaudara da
yake yi dan in dauka yana da niyyar dainawa.
Na tuni da pictures dinsa da Zuwaira a Lagos, the smile on his face, babu alamar da take nuna cewa baya
jin dadin abinda yake yi. Na tuno chats dinsu da Bashir, the way and mannerda suke magana babu wani
alama na cewa sun yarda cewa abinda suke yi ba dai dai bane ba ballantana wani trace na remose. Na
tuno ganin da nayi masada Asabe a compound, hankalin sa a kwance yake yi mata magana yana yi mata
murmushi, babu wata alama ta cewa baya jin dadin abinda yake yi.
Ta cigaba da magana
"Eh na yarda duk sanda kika kama shi da laifi yana shiga cikin tashin hankali kuma yana yin nadama
amma a fahimta ta ba wai nadamar abinda yake yi yake ba, nadamar kin kama shi da abinda yake yi
yake. Nadamar ya bata miki rai ba wai nadamar yayi wa Allah laifi ba, wannan shine dalilin da yasa duk
nadamar sa take tafiya a banza saboda ba dan Allah yayi ta ba dan ke yake yinta. Tashin hankalin sa
shine dan kin kama shi, ba wai dan tsoron wata rana Allah zai kama shi ba. Daga ya gama wannan
nadamar kuma sai ya chanja salon kara rufe miki gaskiya dan kar ki sani, dan kar ki sake kama shi,
burinsa shine kar ki gani ba wai kar Allah ya gani ba, tunda ya san ko ina ya shiga ko mai boyewar sa
Allah yana kallon sa amma still yake yin abinsa"
"A fahimtata wannan shine yasa duk addu'ar da kika dauki shekaru kina yi masa ta fatan shiriya har
yanzu bai shiryu din ba, ba wai dan Allah baya karbar addu'ar ki bane ba, a'a Allah yana karba amma shi
yasan cewa Umar bai yi nadama ba bai yi taubatun nasuha ba, dan haka sai ya juya miki addu'ar ki zuwa
abinda yafi alkhairi a gare ki. Shi yasa kike cigaba da samun nasara da daukaka a duka abinda kika saka a
gaba"
"Kamar yadda umar ya gaya miki cewa sex addiction dinsa ne nima na yarda da hakan, musamman
tunda ya ce ya fara ne tun yana da karancin shekaru dan haka barin sa zaiyi masa wuya, amma babu
abinda yake da wahala a gurin ubangiji indai har bawa ya yarda dashi ya mika lamarin sa gare shi ya
kuma yi hobbasa tare da yin iyakacin iyawarsa, tabbas Allah zaiyi wa wannan bawa nasa jagora zuwa
tsira. Amma Umar bai yi kokarin komai ba, instead, he is busy enjoying his addiction"
"Anan kuma zan dauki laifin ne kusam gabaki dayan sa in dora wa iyayensa, negligence din su ne ya kai
shi zuwa matakin da yake ciki a yanzu. Kuma ba wai zan dora wa iyayen Umar kadai laifin ba, zan dora
laifin ga iyayen mu gabakidaya. Negligence din su akan tarbiyyar yaya maza ita ta kawo mu a matsayin
da muke ciki yanzu a cikin al'umma musamman ta bangaren zinace zinace"
"Tun farko mutanen mu sun dauki wani mentality na cewa komai namiji yayi ado ne ƴa mace ita ce mai
abin kunya, tun daga wannan statement din zamu fahimci cewa mutane basu dauki zunubin yin zina da
wani muhimmanci ba, sunfi gudun abin kunya. In namiji yayi ai babu wanda zai sani, mace kuwa zata
iyayin ciki aji kunyar al'umma ko kuma in tayi loosing virginity dinta shima za'a ji kunyar mijinta. Amma
kunyar ubangiji fa? Kunyar kasa sauke nauyin da Allah ya dora musu na tarbiyya a matsayin su na iyaye
fa?"
"Ba zan yiwa iyaye gabakidaya kudin goro ba, akwai masu kulawar, amma most basa kula da tarbiyyar
namiji kamar yadda suke kula da mace, namiji da ya tashi kawai burin iyaye shine yayi karatu mai zurfi ko
ya samu sana'a kwakwkwara, islamiyya ma ba'a fiya matsa musu su je ba shi yasa in an zo yin sauka sai
kiga matan ajin saukar sun ninka mazan. Ba'a dami da idan ya fita ina yake zuwa ba, ba'a damu da wa
yake mu'amala ba. Ba'a damu da me yake yi a inda yake zuwa ba. Hankali gabakidaya ya tafi kan
kanwarsa ko yayarsa ana tabbatar wa da bata yawo ana tabbatar wa da tana saka hijab, ana tabbatar wa
da bata da kawayen banza bata kula samarin banza. Shi kuma fa?"
"Ko a gurin tashin balaga, iyaye basu wani damu da yaya maza ba, mace da ga ta fara period hankali zai
yi kanta za'a fara kafa mata dokoki, wasu ma har cewa suke yi "in kika bari namiji ya kama hannun ki zaki
yi ciki" meaning cikin ake tsoro kenan ba wai abinda zaiyi leading to cikin ba. Amma babu wanda yake
tsare namiji yace masa "in ka kama hannun mace zaka yi mata ciki" saboda me? Saboda me ake wannan
banbancin for God's sake?"
"Suma ta yaya mazan suna bukatar guidance kamar yadda matan suke bukata. In suka balaga suna ganin
changes a jikinsu kamar yadda matan suke gani, kuma suna bukatar a zaunar dasu a koyar da su a kuma
saka su a hanyar yadda zasu kula da kansu."
Imagine yaron daya fara balaga, ya fara wet dreams, ya fara samun early morning erections, ya fara jin
feelings idan yaga jikin mace, ya fara jin yana so ya kasance da mace, ya fara ganin gashi a private part
dinsa. Kuma bai san ya zaiyi ba, bai san ya zaiyi da wannan erection din ba, bai san ya zai yi managing
wannan feeling din na son kasancewa da mace ba, babu wanda kuma ya zaunar dashi ya ce masa wane
ga abinda zaka yi in kaji kaza ga yadda zakayi kamar yadda ake zaunar da mata ayi musu. Ko da ace an
saka su islamiyya sun san cewa zina babu kyau a lokacin basu da cikakken hankalin fahimtar illarta, kuma
tunda iyaye basu dora su akan hanyar da zasu bi ba sai su fara exploring da kansu. A age din ake fara
masturbating. Daga nan kuma sun fara dandanar dadin abin sai su cigaba da exploring. Idan suka hadu
da yammatan da suma suke going through the same puberty stage sai su fara aikata zina, kamar abinda
ya faru da Umar, a lokacin da ace iyayensa sun saka ido sun lura da zasu iya dakile abin, amma basu ma
sani ba saboda basu saka ido ba, sun bar shi shi kadai saboda suna ganin ai shi namiji ne babu komai, a
hankali har ya gama fahimtar dadin abin, har abin ya gama shiga jikin sa ya zamar masa addiction ta
yadda zaiyi wahala ya rabu dashi"
"Abinda iyayen sa da namu da mu kanmu muka sani amma muke acting kamar bamu sani ba shine ita
zina bashi ce, in dai namiji yayi da kanwar wani sai anyi da tasa, in yayi da matar wani sai anyi da tasa, in
yayi da uwar wani sai anyi da tasa, fadar Annabi ce sannan kuma alkawarin Annabi baya tashi. Shi
wannan dan naki da kika bari babu tarbiyya, shi zai je ya ciwo bashin zinar da za'a zo a fanshe akan ƴar
da kika killace kika yi wa tarbiyyar, an yi biyu babu kenan"
"Amma da ace zamu kula da tarbiyyar yayan mu maza tare da matan baki daya, mu cire mentality din
cewa duk abinda namiji yayi ado ne, then we no longer need to worry about yayan mu mata. Idan ni da
ke da sauran iyaye zamu bawa yayanmu maza tarbiyyar then there is a good chance cewa yayan mu
mata zasu samu miji na gari, za'a daina samun yaran kirki irin ki suna karewa da auren lalatattu irin
Umar. Idan mukayi haka, insha Allah, watarana zamu gabayan wannan zinace zinacen da muke fama da
shi"
"Akan case din ki da Umar kuma. Ni a ganina, wannan shawarar da kika yanke na rabuwar da shi ita ce
dai dai. Dan at this stage zama da Umar is dangerous to your physical and mental health, sannan kuma
to your children. Tunda har kika iya daukan makami kina aiyana kai shi lahira, kuma kika iya daukan
hannunki kika mare shi ba tare da kinsan kinyi marin ba, to tabbas Allah ne kadai yasan abinda zaki yi
watarana in kika cigaba da zama da shi da sunan hakuri"
"Sannan kuma tunda har umarya kai matsayin da shaidan zai kawata masa kuchakar, kazamar mai aikin
ki ya neme ta to tabbas nan gaba har ƴar yarinyar nan Yasmin shaidan zai iya kawata masa ita yaji yana
son yaji ya take itama? Saboda abinda ma fahimta dashi ba wai mabukaci bane ba a'a kwadayayye ne.
Kowacce mace ya gani sai yaji yana so yayi tasting, kuma matan ba karewa suke yi ba kuma ba karewar
zasuyi ba shi yasa shima ba zai daina din ba. Kuma ba wai son su yake yi ba, daga ya kawarda kwadayin
sa yake wulakanta su ya zubar dasu a bola kamar yadda ya faru da wadanda kika sani. Yana kuma da
kyau da kudi da iya tsara maganar da zai yaudari duk wacce yake so. No woman is safe around maza irin
Umar. Kamar yadda kika kori twins din nan daga gidan ki haka zaki cigaba da korar mutane dan kar ya
neme su, kuma ba zai fasa neman ba, hatta Amira ba zaki so ta zauna a gidan ki ba, kuma hakan baya
nufin in ta zauna kika fita kika barsu su biyu ba zai neme ta ba. Ko da bai ci nasara akan ta ba amma ai
mutuncin sa da naki duk ya zube a gurin ta, a gurin duk wadda ya nema din".
Tabbas a ganina rabuwa din is the right thing to do a wannan matsayin da kuke ciki. Shi kansa auren fa
ba farilla bane ba, abinda ake yi a cikin auren in anyi shi sune farilla. Mutum zai iya zama babu aure indai
har zai kare hakkokin ubangiji kuma ya shiga aljanna, mutum kuma zai iya yin aure
sannan kuma ya kekketa haddin aure sanadiyyar hakan kuma sai ya shiga wuta. Tabbas ubangiji shi ya
halasta rabuwar aure amma kuma sai yace shi kansa baya son ta, amma kuma still bai haramta ta
saboda ya san cewa wani lokacin rabuwar ita ce best solution for both parties. Rabuwar zata iya zama
alkhairi a gare ki kuma alkhairi a gare shi. Abinda yasa nace alkhairi a gare shi saboda na fahimci yana
son ki sosai, hence tashin hankalin sa a duk lokacin da kika kama shi da wannan laifin, amma me? Yaki
daina wa duk ba cewa yana son ki kuma baya son bacin ranki amma kuma yasan kina sonsa kuma zaki
bashi wani chance din. Wannan shine takamar sa. In ma kin kama shi daga yayi miki kuka ya nuna miki
ya yi nadama shikenan zaki hakura. Stop giving him chances. Show him kazantar abinda yake yi yayi
munin da ba zaki iya cigaba da zama da shi ba. Show him you can live without him you are better off
without him. Watakila wannan zai nuna masa how deep yake a cikin kazanta. Watakila wannan zai farkar
da shi daga baccin gafalal da yake ciki"
*Here's the bitter truth whether anybody likes it or not: The more chances you give someone in a
relationship the less respect they start to have for you. They will begin to ignore the standards that
you've set because they'll know another chance will always be given. They're not afraid to lose you
because they know no matter what you won't walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your
forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you*
Na sauke ajjiyar zuciya. Maganganun ta sun shige ni sosai and they made me feel more determine and
more focused on abinda na saka a gaba, rabuwa da Umar. Nace "naji duk abinda kika fada, kuma na
gode sosai da maganganun ki da kuma shawarwari. Amma yanzu na riga na yanke shawarar da kike bani
ta rabuwa da Umar, sai dai kuma ban san ta inda zan fara ba. Umar ba zai taba sakina ba, ya fada ya
kuma maimaita wa. Ta yaya zanyi in rabu da shi idan bai sake ni ba?"
Tace "Jidda ke mutum
